We Are Lightning

Dear Diary,

It’s been quite the memorable journey this semester, but this is the final entry for this blog that will be made. It’s a bitter sweet feeling as I compose the words I want to say. Writing is a lovely form of free expression, but at times words seem to fall short of the meaning you want them to have. This final blog is meant to be reminiscent of all the learning and experience that has taken place over the course of this semester. And it’s funny, but even though I know that I have learned a treasure trove worth of knowledge, my mind is going blank. It feels a lot like the knowledge is present but expressing it becomes infinitely more difficult. I wonder perhaps if it’s my minds way of staying in denial about the end of the semester. Just like our humble beginning, I find myself struggling to talk personally about my experience, but just like before I will give it my best try.

This class has been very eye opening for me. When we received the rundown on how the class would go and what topics would be covering, I found myself at first very disappointed. I noticed that learning about individual countries was not a topic we were going to cover. When I heard about the class I thought we were going to learn about the countries of the world, and culturally sensitive ways helping professionals could work with those individuals. But that’s not quite what happened and now I understand why the class was organized differently. We learned through simulations and lecture’s how connecting our personal experience to our cultural interactions was important to create a sense of compassion and understanding. And that it was important to build empathy to better connect with the youth and their families. We tested ourselves on our knowledge of competent social aspects of culture and learned about how they vary from country to country. (Like how I learned that in India you pass important documents with your right hand!)  We explored as a class power and privilege and how different cultural group denominations experience these elements differently. We answered quizzes and wrote about these subjects in our blogs, all the while making the connections to our personal learning, striving ever closer to go from culturally knowledgeable to culturally competent. We dug deep and explored our own culture and endeavored to tell our own cultural story. We as a class had the chance to connect with an individual from another country and share in their personal story. Discovering first-hand how even youth from the same country could bring such a different perspective to a culture .This being one of the more powerful assignments of the semester. And then we as a class challenged ourselves to go even further and push ourselves out of the comfort zone safety bubble, and do something new. For me, going to the smudging ceremony, was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. I walked away forever humbled and changed. I took in so much this semester I found myself realizing that had the class been about breaking up the world by its divisible boundaries and studying what was different the connection and celebration of the unity we have as human beings would have been totally missed.

The emotions of this day are impacting me as a writer. I can’t seem to do this blog the justice I want to. I can’t seem to sum up half a years’ worth of knowledge adequately. From the card game, to our Sayoutloud guest speakers, to the single story video, this semester has just been jammed packed with such intense opportunity for learning and growth. Words really do fall short. As I prepare to enter the field I feel prepared. I feel that I now carry with me a sense and understanding that will allow me to work with youth and families and meet them where they are at. Allow them to teach and empower me on their culture, and with acceptance and patience always strive to go further up the culturally competence scale.

To all my peers and professors, thank you all for such a wonderful three years and particularly for this wonderful semester. The healing and growth I have experienced has helped spur my growth from the invisible girl to a girl brimming with confidence and passion. I will treasure all I have learned and all the memories we have shared in the scrap book of my heart. Since my own culture is very much steeped in games and animation I want to share with you a song from one of my favorite web animated series that might do a better job expressing the summation of my feelings of this bitter sweet yet powerful experience.

-With all the loves and feels

Sincerely Kayla Clouthier

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w83phD3EwSc (Lyrics)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsy7VJheMBI (Animation)

We Get What We Give

Dear Diary,

Last week’s culture and diversity class was a tough one. We did another simulation game and I found myself thinking a lot about my past as well as content from previous weeks. Here is how the simulation went down. We were all introduced to a table of prizes that we could win. The professor spent a lot of time glorifying the prizes so that everyone in the room could at least find something that would spark their interest. Since I was moving soon nothing at the table interested me, it would have been just another thing to pack, and yet I felt the impact of the simulation. We were all then given a brown paper bag with a certain amount of candies inside. The catch to winning a prize was that you had to find four of the same candies. So there people went running around to find individuals with candies they needed to complete their four. Soon though, it became very apparent that not everyone in the room was given the same advantage as others. Some students had only three candies, and so could not barter for four; they would have to hope for the generosity of another student if they wanted to win. Some students had no candy in their bag at all, and gave up or held out hope someone would give them a few to get going. In my bag were four candies of all different colours, so my start was a little tough but a least I had something to go on. However this simulation taught me something about myself I feel I will have to keep in consideration as a youth worker. One student came by my desk and asked if they could have one of my candies, it was the colour she needed you see.

Without even thinking I said yes and gave her the candy. In my rush to please her I forgot to ask for a candy in return and effectively took myself out of the game. When I realized what I had done I knew winning a prize was beyond me. When another student who had two of the same candies as me came along I gave her my two matching so she could win a prize. I decided if I could not win at least she could. I have been told many times by friends and family that I am a people pleaser and that it would land me in trouble one day. And while I don’t think my family imagined this scenario exactly I see now what they meant. As a worker I can’t give so much away that I myself suffer, I need to make sure my own needs are met if I am to be effectively supportive to my clients.

At one point during the simulation a student finally got her four candies of the same colour and went to the table for a prize only to discover she had gotten their too late as the last prize was taken by another student. Playfully dejected the student looked to the professor where in by she responded by informing her she had not worked hard enough to get a prize.

The student knew it was a simulation but I think in that moment she went from being playfully dejected to truly dejected! After all she had worked hard to get her candies she had just been a few minutes too late, something out of her control. When we came together as a class she debriefed with that student and the rest of the class about the point of the simulation. Explaining that some people in life are given many privileges right off the get go, and therefore end up having an easier time being successful. While others can work as hard as they want, getting a head isn’t always a possibility. And yet even though society knows this to be true we still tell people, “maybe you should have worked harder…”.

As a kid I was raised off that principle, your self worth was in direct proportion to how hard you worked. In my family hard work was valued greatly because it was a sign of station and pride. You could have anything in life you wanted as long as you worked hard enough. If you didn’t have what you wanted or needed, you weren’t working hard enough. I don’t begrudge my family too much for having this mantra. They grew up dirt poor as they say, so the amenities they have now they feel truly proud to have. They come from the wounded mindset that; “If I could do it then you can do it.” And “If you work hard you get what you deserve.”  In my family this principle crushed me as a young girl. I left home when I was 17 and I worked really hard, but I didn’t get ahead. No one wanted to hire a girl so young and inexperienced. And every time I failed I always blamed myself for having done something wrong because of this family principle.

Even now I go without, and I’m working harder than I have ever worked to keep my head above water. The difference now between the 17 year old me and the me today is a paradigm shift with my perspective. Hard work does not have to equate to the amount of dollars one makes. Sometimes it can be in the resilience one has when life gives them only three candies but they still find it in themselves to continue to give.

A Step Forward

Dear Diary,

We had another great cultural diversity class last week. We covered LGBT culture and had a group called SAY Outloud come to visit our class. They shared with us ways that we as youth workers can enter into the field armed with information that will allow us to be more compassionate when aiding a youth within the queer community. It was such an energetic presentation, and we even got to meet two youth from the group who generously shared their experience with us. It is something I will never forget and will treasure.

After the presentation I found myself looking back at the content from a couple weeks back about power and privilege. I think we often take for granted that something like sexual orientation isn’t really black or white. Sexuality is a spectrum, and with that comes the room for sexual minority. Many of the youth we will be working with in the field will be opened up to this inequality. In many ways the whims of the minority will be subject to the majority. That’s a lot of power to give one group based completely on their sexual orientation. As a youth worker I’m going to have to give much thought on how to advocate on behalf of an LGBT youth or child to provide a little more balance on this unfair teeter-totter.

Since I always try to find a way to connect the learning to my own

culture I sat down this week and thought about how video game culture has been impacted by human rights and LGBT culture. And while I think they have come a long way I definitely think there is room to grow. One thing in recent years that has impressed me was that in some role playing style of video games you could never choose a love interest that was the same gender as you. Now more and more game companies are choosing to allow players more freedom of choice, which allows them to play more authentically and grow more connected to the games story. It’s a small feature but it’s a small feature with an inclusive element that I feel is a great step forward.

Be A Hero

Dear Diary,

Last week in class was quite exciting! Everyone presented their single story of a person from another country or culture. I was absolutely pumped for this assignment! The whole classroom looked like a rainbow piñata of countries, colours, and paper. And while I didn’t get around to enough projects as I would have liked to, I was fascinated by the many things my classmates had to share. It was a unique experience to put a more personal telling to the projects. Instead of just researching about a country, we shared the experience and memories of single person or family. I loved it!

I also was a little surprised at myself. I found that as each groups turn came around and they introduced their person and where they were from, I found my mind going to all the information I thought I knew about that country. For example, one group had interviewed a young person from Germany. Since it was October at the time, I immediately though of Oktoberfest. I was humbled to hear though, that the young person found it frustrating to always be stereotyped as a culture that were all about beer, because they had so much more to offer within their culture. I took a moment to check myself and try not to assume so that I could simply take in the experience. A fresh slate if you will.

 

Hearing that young person’s story reminded me how it feels to be stereotyped. I mentioned it in an older blog, but the video gaming community received a lot of prejudice because of its central interest in electronic entertainment. Many other groups of people think we are lazy, rude, really aggressive, and that we all live with our parents because we spend all our money on video games. I certainly not going to stand up on a pedestal and claim it all untrue, but everyone is different. Here I was lumping all Germans into one category, when I hate it being done to me. I enjoyed hearing about Germany so much I’ve decided that my next trip is going to be there. (When I’m done play Batman Arkham Origins that is!)

 One stereotype that I hate hearing about the gaming community is that everyone in it is selfish and doesn’t care about others. It couldn’t be farther from the truth. I took part in a really cool event I thought I would share called Extra Life. It’s a web based charity where certain groups get together like Reddit, and Roosterteeth and they stream live for 24 hours to raise money for the Children’s Miracle Hospital network. It’s a lot of fun, you can donate to your favorite group or internet celebrity but it all goes to the same place. During the 24 hour stream you can game with your favorite groups online or with Xbox live, win cool prizes and see your favorite host do crazy things like shave all their hair for charity. And all of it happens in real time, no prerecording. It was hard to stay up for so long but it was so worth it to see the gaming community come together for such a good cause! So far extra life and its partners have raised over 3 million! And not only is the gaming community involved but so are the game developers like Sony and Microsoft, who normally get a bad rap to for only caring about their profit margins! Overall it’s a great experience, and I think it goes to show that the community does have a heart and that the culture is not all violence and hatred.

Here is the extra life website, they are still taking donations! - http://www.extra-life.org/index.cfm?